I was working through some thoughts as I wrote this post. I am working through a lot of pieces of myself right now, and they’re going to take time.
So, it (was) Saturday morning and we are having a great one. We slept in until 8am, we had some yummy scones and fruit, did some painting and played a board game. Now we’re getting ready for a walk. It’s lovely. And I started thinking about work and how easy next week is going to be. I tried to explain to myself that sometimes people really do get lucky and to just enjoy this little win. But then an ugly feeling and voice popped up with a reminder, “…not for you!” Immediately, despite this wonderful morning, my brain was telling me how undeserving I am. It reminded me that I will pay for this and will likely get in trouble. For what? What is going on in my brain?
Right now I am working through pieces of myself. I’m identifying these feelings and thoughts with a physical shape and location in my body. This one will need some more investigation. It creates panic where there is none. It creates shame where there is none. In the past it created intense emotions and physical distress.
For now, I reflect. And despite the negative thoughts, I decided to continue with my day without needing to react anymore than I had and to not hold onto them throughout the day.
We’re heading back to the path where we found this beautiful note. A reminder to myself that sometimes we do get lucky!